#incorrect Jake lockley

[traveller-of-the-knight]

I think I'll start posting these in groups from now on :)

[karmaspidr]

Batman: What is the situation, Commissioner?

Gordon: Some of Joker's guys tried to rob a shipment of Ace Chemicals. My guys got an anonymous tip, most likely from those responsible for this, saying where they are and that the situation has been handled. And to also bring a few ambulances.

Batman: Scans the scene. Paramedics are treating men with clown face paint. Cops are struggling to cut down tied-up men in ridiculously high places. Some were receiving emergency surgery.

Batman: Any idea who did this?

Gordon: Figured it wasn't your squad. Hands Batman a note. It reads, 'Courtesy of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. P.S., sorry about the blood.

Batman: Turns to some of the thugs.

Thug 1: The Devil... The Devil is in Gotham. He's come for us all!

Thug 2: It was like fighting three different people at once. One moment he was throwing baterangs at us and the next he was caving our fucking skulls in.

Thug 3: I don't know how he did it. He was like ten feet away. I shot him. I should have hit him. But when I fired, he was in my face. And he made fun of me!

[evilbubu]

[juneknight]

Reader, trying to be seductive: is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Jake: it’s a gun.

Reader: …

Jake, sensing he has done wrong: also, I am happy to see you…?

[marshmallow--3]

Steven Grant getting ready for a date

Steven: All right, how do I look?

Marc: I'd lose the tie.

Steven: I gotta wear a tie.

Jake: You look like a lawyer.

Steven: *groans and removes the tie*

Marc: That's better.

Source: 9-1-1

Bonus:

Matt "Am I a joke to you?" Murdock:

[bubuslutty]

if you litter, you're a bitch!

moon knight & reader - twitter crack au

a/n: special thanks to @runny-mascara for the help with the bit of Spanish in here. much love 💙 and this is for you anon, ask and you shall receive 💙

tags: @bobastayhigh @weblesstherains @h-leigh @unspokenmoon @ahookedheroespureheart @thursdaywritings @gebstargeb @softieekayy @fem-moony @peachjellypackets @pakhiya @darlinglittledevil @anixluxtt @mrs-cupidd @gebgeb @poeticabomination @i-love-sammwiches

[annmaximoff18]

Y/N: I have three boyfriends

Marc: you can't say that

Y/N: Why not?

Marc: Because they are things that you would contribute to the company, what would we do in your job?

Y/N: be beautiful and motivate me?

Jake: she has a point

Steven: it's so cute

Marc: I love you but not

[sadwetcatmk]

[loonymeowny]

this is canon

[deadqueerboys]

Khonshu: Group of homosexuals.

Steven: Yes, you have a problem with this?!

Marc: Since when you're..

Jake: Relax, HE'S ANYTHING BUT STRAIGHT.. CRAZY BIRD!

[incorrectanything]

Y/N: Steven was getting on my nerves today, so I told him I can't wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Y/N: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Y/N: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as the panic takes over.

[traveller-of-the-knight]

No one:

Season 1 Jake:

[rm14hitman]

Peter : Whoa, Moonie, what’s up with that angry face?

Marc : Wilson won’t stop talking about how “Ancient Egyptians were furries”.

Wade : But they were! Just looks at all their gods-

Marc (or Khonshu through him, who knows) : Oh my god, SHUT UP !

[evilbubu]

guys. think about this. moon boys, Layla, khonshu and Harrow in an episode of Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey. are you following me???? Can you see the vision???

for example:

Gordon: your menu and this decor looks absolutely shit. when was the last time you updated it? 45 BC?

Khonshu, restaurant owner: I hate this white man!

Layla, waitress: The only reason I'm still here is because he hasn't fired me yet. I stole 12 plates. 6 forks and 8 cups, in front of him and he JUST KEEPS REPLACING THEM. HELP. ME.

Steven, cook: hey, nice to meet you!

Gordon: hello.

Marc and Jake walk in

Gordon: OH FUCK ME, THERE'S THREE OF YOU!

Gordon: who the fuck is this guy?

Layla: That's Harrow, we don't really like him, he stays in the freezer most of the time.

Gordon: what

Layla: don't worry about it :3

[moonknightblog]

Matt: What kind of a taxi driver are you?

Jake: A really good one.

[marshmallow--3]

When the Moon Boys end up in court

Matt Murdock: My client suffers from disassociative identity disorder. He has five documented personalities.

Judge: Should we swear them all in separately?

Source: Law and Order SVU S9 E1 "Alternate"